How to strengthen relationships with parents + kids one conversation at a time

Have you felt a desire to have a stronger relationships with your parent or child?

Do you sometimes feel like you have tried to deeper it, and just come up against a wall and so just accept “it is what it is?”

Have you ever said to yourself, “they just don’t get me?”

I used to come up against friction points with my mom.  While we fortunately always had a solid and loving relationship, I also knew there was some distance between us.  I would get easily frustrated and nit-pick at her, and she would get really sensitive, retreat and then push on and ask for connections that didn’t feel authentic to me.  I knew it was coming from a place of love and desire to connect, but it felt forced which only caused me to rebel against the task more. 

Until one day, I realized I was approaching it all wrong.  I did deeply desire to have a stronger bond with her, and it wasn’t going to change by just continuing to do the same things, have the same conversations and think it would just change over time.  I realized that I had to taken ownership.  I had to look inside myself first, and ask what do I really want, and how can I gain a better understanding of her and thus each other, to then build a better bridge.  This mindset shift changed everything.  I started to approach our conversations with more curiosity, more presence and more compassion.  And slowly but surely, our relationship transformed into the deepest, most profound relationship I (we) could have ever imagined.  

That is why I am so passionate about helping others do the same.  And as I have shared my stories, guided and mentored others on how to take small steps, one after the other, I have seen the same incredible transformations.  Like my friend Stacey who was ready to give up and didn’t think it was possible, but got brave after attending one of my workshops and went to visit her parents to have a live conversation.  I guided her in how to do this….and in just a few short days…the bridge was built.  It warms my heart that recently shared “my relationship with my parents is the strongest it has ever been. I have so much gratitude for your guidance.”  

I love how Stacey didn’t sit back and just let things continue as they are.  She sought out another way, and then took action.

If you are looking to start to make some shifts in your own relationships, maybe with your mother, father, son or daughter, here are some simple steps you can take today:

1. Define what you desire in the relationship

Ask yourself….”if anything was possible, what would you really want in this relationship?”, 

Ask your loved one, “How do you feel about our relationship?  What would you desire in our relationship?”

Be sure to choose a time when they can be most present to a meaningful conversation.  Set the stage on why you are asking this.  Open the space to let them share openly how they feel.  Listen.  Learn.  And then get curious.  This is foundational for starting to build the bridge from a place of understanding. 

2. Create consistent mini-moments of connection

Show you care.  Don’t just think about how you care about your loved one.  Show them.

These can be simple ways, digitally, to do this yet have such meaning and power.

For example, every morning I connect with my mom in some way.  I either:

• Send a text - thinking of you and sending love (may also include a picture or inspiring passage)
• Send a voice memo - sharing a story of a highlight/lowlight from the previous day 
• Send a video message - sharing love and appreciation for her and bringing her into the environment I may be (like an asynchronous morning coffee talk or nature walk)
• 5 minute call - in which we each share one gratitude and one intention for the day

It takes 30 sec - 5 min to do.  And it deeply connects us every day in all the in-between space beyond longer calls or in-person time together.  You can do this with anyone, any time, any day! 

3. Go on an epic experience together

When you can carve out more space, going on an experience together is beyond powerful to deepen connection.  But it’s not just about “going on a trip” together and checking a box, it’s about doing this with real intention.  

What I have found to truly level up an experience, is to go somewhere that has special meaning to your loved one, as it will open up conversation that immediately creates a space for understanding of their past lived experiences, which impacts who they are and how they show up today.  It’s an immediate way to create a safe space with lots of fodder for meaningful dialog.

For example, when I took my mom on a vanlife adventure over a year ago, I had a rough idea of where we might go.  But instead of it just being places I wanted to visit so she would see how I lived, we went on a route that also brought us to places that she had memories of from her childhood.  It opened up so much to learn more about these experiences and then how they impacted her mindset and ways she showed up.  From this place, we could unpack a lot about our own relationship.  And then we created new shared experiences together, and I could really see her, and she could really see me.  

It was an unbelievably sacred experience, and one I hold in my heart and memory forever.  I was grateful to share this experience in depth with a friend recently who was inspired to take his dad on a trip in hopes to deepen their relationship, and to offer suggestions on how to approach the planning and conversations.  I was elated to hear the transformative experience they had upon his return!

Time and again, I am seeing incredible immediate shifts people are having in strengthening their relationships with their parents or adult children.  

So, I’m opening up my calendar to serve YOU!  I am offering a complimentary CONNECTION BREAKTHROUGH session - so you can unlock a plan on how you can transform or deepen the relationship with your beloved family member.    

Click here to schedule your FREE Connection Breakthrough Call this week!  On this call we will discuss what you desire and are struggling with, and come up with a plan together including one action step you can take following the call to start! 

Connected Conversation Sparker

Why this question matters:  helps you understand how they feel about where your relationship is at, why it matters to them, and helps open the conversation to come from a mutual understanding of why it matters to both of you, from which you then can create a space to get curious about each other. 

Life is short and the relationships with our loved ones matter most.  I hope you take a moment today to pause and reflect on what you desire and then feel into how you might want to make a shift towards what you desire.  It may not be easy, but if you both desire a shift, and are committed to doing the work to enable it, the possibilities are endless and the fulfillment felt is honestly beyond words.  

Live connected,

Lisa

P.s. => If you are looking for support to strengthen your relationship with a parent or other family member, I’d welcome connecting with you to see if I can support.  I’m opening up a few spots on my calendar for a Discovery Call.  Book a time today and let’s connect! Click here to schedule your FREE Connection Breakthrough Call this week!